As much as I disliked the old governmentally prescribed food pyramid, at least it made a kind of sense.  The new food pyramid (I'm inclined to put it in "scare quotes" and call it a "pyramid," but I shall refrain) is so clearly the work of a bureaucrat, it makes me want to bury my head in my hands.  It's so bad, it should come with its own Powerpoint presentation.

For one thing, the original food pyramid WAS a pyramid.  You had different sizes of blocks which stacked on top of each other.  To make a pyramid.  It made logical sense, and visual sense as well.  

Okay, so the base of the pyramid was this gigantic slab of grains.  Which was sacrilege to the carb-haters.   But what would you expect from the United States Department of AGRICULTURE?  That's what they're for - to get you to eat plants.

(And don't get me started on carb-hating.  Let me put it this way: if carbs make you fat, then that sure explains why vegans are all such fat bastards.)

The latest food pyramid is actually some kind of crazy-ass vertical pie chart, split into a crazy number of segments, all of which are too tiny to discriminate between.  The first time I looked at it, I got confused by the black outline and the color purple, and thought that it was recommending only the tiniest sliver of meat.  Then I got confused because each color is separated with a white strip, but I couldn't tell the white line from the yellow denoting "oils."  And looking at it again… I still can't.

To make things worse, they have made it graphically confusing, by including a crazy plethora of food products scattered at the bottom (not color coded).  Plus a flight of stairs up the side, in what I'm convinced have some kind of serious perspective flaw, but I'm not quite able to put my finger on it.  And a completely out of proportion humanoid figure striding cheerfully up the steps.

There's no point to going up the steps if all the slices go vertically.  This entire graphic is confusing and stupid.

I also have some complaints about the recommendations as a whole.  I like that fruits, vegetables, and grains are recommended in pretty much even amounts.  However, I have difficulty believing that we should be eating as much dairy as we do fruits and vegetables COMBINED.  I mean, that's a damn lot of cheese.  And I say that as someone who eats a fairly preposterous amount of dairy daily, from the milk I add to my coffee, to the cheese I put on just about everything, and the nonfat yogurt I use in my daily smoothies.  

Speaking of me being a vegetarian, what is the deal with lumping together meat and beans?  I'm so outraged by this, I'm going to add a few more question marks.  ?????

Both meat and beans are a source of protein, it's true.  But beans are a valuable source of fiber and complex nutrients.  While meat is fatty and artery-clogging and not super good for you.  Okay, maybe in small amounts.  Point being, beans and meat ARE NOT THE SAME THING.

A lot of people brush off talk of the governmental food pyramid.  But need I remind you, this is what they use to legislate the contents of school lunches.  That doesn't keep schools from serving French fries as a vegetable, but it's still - dare I say it - food for thought.